Thankful Thinking...

It was a regular day in Science class. The bell was about to ring. I was brushing my hair- since looking good was a major concern for every middle-schooler. And right before class was to be dismissed, my teacher decided to single me out. He came over and said very loud, "Ms. Walsh, we do NOT need to be brushing OUR hair!" I was already mortified, but yet, he went on... "Ewww, this brush has lice on it!!!!!!!!! It's crawling up my arm!!!! Tell your mother she can come pick it up from me once I disinfect it." It did not have lice on it, but the lie was much more amusing to a class full of seventh graders. He got what he wanted: my brush and a big laugh. And he also succeeded in sending me to the girls room to cry alone in the stall.

That afternoon, I proceeded to tell my mom this story and let her know that I was sorry I had lost my brush. As she drove, and I finished telling the story, she didn't say a word. Now, let me tell you... when my mama gets quiet... you better look out!!! The only thing she said was, "I'll get your brush back."

The next day in Science class, my teacher pulled me into his office and with tears in his eyes, he apologized all over himself. I'll admit, I was a little embarrassed, wondering what in the world my mom had said. But, I was thrilled that he would never pick on me again. When I got home, my mom said, "Here's your brush. Now, don't have it out in class again." And, I said "Yes mamm." But, in a nut shell, that was my mom. She did not endorse her kids acting up, but she did not STAND for anyone coming against us. If you did... you chose to enter the lion's den. And I am not kidding.

My mom and I have always had a great relationship. I was a ball of mush and she was somewhat stoic so we were a perfect match. We often acted as sisters as I got older. I can remember when I got big enough, she was trying to spank me for something I had done and I was holding her arms and we were going round and round in circles. She was yelling, "Let go of my arms so I can spank you." And I was saying, "Do you think I am crazy?" She would finally start laughing and give up.

I told her everything and she always listened with a nonjudgmental ear. The open line of communication really kept me out of trouble as I got to be a teenager. She was a nurse and she always kept me informed on where my decisions may lead. For that reason, I chose to stay away from all of it. And there came a moment, where she stopped coming to my rescue and I was able to STAND up for myself. I have her to thank for the strong backbone I carry today. And the legacy of the look.... 'Don't you mess with my kids or we will have to throw down!'

But, this time 4 years ago, my strong mama found out that she would need a biopsy on a tumor they had been watching for many years. It was right after Thanksgiving and I was waiting with my dad and my 2 month old baby for the results from an all day surgery. The doctor came out and let us know that it was a grade 4. And the prognosis was not good. I looked down at my sleeping baby and was so thankful that my mom had been there when he was born. But, in the same thought, I was devastated at her not being there to watch him grow up. Or to be there for the births of future children. I cried so deeply it hurt all over.

While we waited for the results to come back from the lab, I wanted nothing more than for everything to go back to the way it was. For just mundane life to return. All the moments we all take for granted.... I wanted those moments back.

As it turns out, the results returned as a grade 2. It still was going to be treated very aggressively with chemo and radiation but it was a HUGE blessing and we were all thankful.

So, now, almost 4 years later, she receives positive reports with each checkup. She works hard each day and is a fabulous Nana to my, now, 2 boys and one on the way. We are all so thankful that regular life has returned but not without a constant reminder of just how much gratitude we all need to have in our daily lives. God is gracious and I am thankful!

All that said, if there was one woman that I thought might make it through that type of cancer and come out standing, it would be her. She is tough as nails and I am thankful for her.

Happy Thanksgiving Ya'll!!!

Heart Abandoned...

As some of you know, I attended a retreat a few weeks ago for women. I think that each woman on the weekend was there for God's purpose and throughout the weekend, we each had to individually discover why we were there. For me, it seemed that the weekend was eating away. It started on Thursday evening and by Saturday morning, I still had not figured out what God wanted to do in me. Women were getting breakthroughs. Some had already had times of weeping before the Lord and I was wondering, "God, I haven't cried one tear, and I'm a crier!"

Later that morning, we went to a breakfast where they had decorated it in a beach theme and they were playing the Beach Boys 'Everybody goes surfing.' As I entered, I started to cry! How embarrassing???? Everyone was laughing and having a good time. And I could not get it together! Now I was saying, "Lord, this is ridiculous. What in the WORLD am I crying about?" But, he didn't answer me right then.

During a worship service that evening, a woman handed me a flag. I have seen flags waved before in worship services and I always thought it was pretty but I never had a desire to wave one myself. So, I am standing there, holding this flag and thinking, "I feel like an idiot." And I did feel like an idiot. Even though there was a few other women waving the flags, I felt so conspicuous. Like everyone was looking at me. That was the moment that God showed me why I was there. Somehow, I had grown from a little girl that danced before my parents in a dress that swished to a woman who was inhibited by my own insecurities.

My mom used to say to me when I was a teenager and I was arguing about who knows what... "Ashli, Get Over Yourself!" Now, that really burned my butter!!! But, in a way, God was saying to me, "Your worship to me has become inhibited. You need to get over yourself." So, before the weekend was over, God did so many more special things to make sure I got the point. Things that, if I had time, I would tell you about because they really were amazing.

And in the final worship service, I knew what I had to do. I knew God wanted me to dance before Him with heart abandoned. My heart was pounding! My feet felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. But, I stepped out and begin to dance before Him. And, I'll be honest... the first 10 seconds felt so uncomfortable. But as I began to let go of years of insecurities and just dance before my Maker like a little girl, I experienced an undeniable freedom.

Jeremy and I work in the children’s' ministry at our church and not a Sunday passes by where there is not a little girl dancing with the same freedom around the room. Her dress is swishing. She has a delight about her. And she is confident. As women, if our childhood allowed, we were once able dance with heart abandoned. However. at some point.... the embarrassing moment at school takes place; you are ridiculed over what you are wearing; a boy breaks your heart; and then eventually, a time comes when you begin to judge others in the same way you were judged.

The pictures shown are my friend Dee's little girl exemplifying the freedom to which I have been speaking. If we want true, authentic worship with God, he desires us to come to Him like this little girl. Matthew 18:3 tells us to come to him like children. I don't think that this necessarily means by dancing, but if you watch children who have not yet been affected by life's difficulties, they approach God without inhibition. I want to take this freedom that God allowed me to experience and make sure that my worship to Him comes without inhibition. Whether I dance or not.... I know that I need to give him my whole heart each and every time I have the opportunity to meet with Him.

Take A Number Ladies...

For about a month now, I knew that the boys were going to be Cowboys for Halloween. So, on Halloween Eve I took them out to capture a few pictures before the candy rush.

The only problem was... Brody would NOT wear his costume. Off came the boots...

He threw the hat down....

And he tugged at his shirt. See, Brody likes to be what we like to call, "Nay-Nay" as much as possible!!! So, with 2 hours and counting before Trick-Or-Treating, I realized I had to come up with something else. He needed something with as little clothing as possible.

Ladies...

Take your seats...

The show is about to begin.....

Introducing Brody, the show-stopping Chip-N-Dale...

And he LOVED it!!! I kept asking him during the night if he wanted a shirt on and he would say "No," and smile and tap his chest. People went CRAZY over this at every house we stopped. He got LOTS of extra candy and a few offers for dollar bills!!! Jadin was too busy with his older friends to even notice, but Brody did steal the show!

Hope everyone had a GREAT Halloween!!!