When I have a baby, I feel like I lose my mind for about a year. On baby #1, I assumed this was because I was new to this whole mommy-thing and my in-experience was causing this identity-theft. You see... pre-baby, I was busier than a one-armed paper hanger. (I have no idea what that really means... but if it's good enough for Dolly Parton, it's good enough for me!) My college resume consisted of the following simultaneous activities... An 'A' student (I was neurotic about grades), captain of the cheerleading squad, resident assistant, drama coach for a large church, part-timer at Teen Challenge Girls home, part-time nanny, and somewhere in there, I became Jeremy's girl. I believe God allowed me to thrive during that time because it was just a great time in my life. But, a hard lesson was coming.
When our first child came along... I was taking care of him during the day and working in the evenings. Any time we tried to be involved at church during that first year, it was just a disaster. Our baby spit up... like, a lot. No matter what you did, spit-up hit the floor every few minutes. Within an hour of being at church, I would be covered in spit-up and wishing I could just go home where I could hide.... and shower. I didn't want to leave him in nursery, because I knew I would pick him up and find the nursery worker bathed in spit-up. All of a sudden, being involved, which came natural to me, felt so unnatural. And yet the sermons echoed about how we all needed to be more involved. I went home feeling guilty, wondering why I couldn't figure this out. The truth was, when I was home alone, taking care of my baby... I was a rock-star! No one could see me. But, I knew I was doing a great job. And when I tried to be involved outside of my duties at home, I felt stressed. Why was that? Why couldn't I keep up the way I used to?
I have had four babies now, and a definite pattern has developed. During the first year, I go through all that I just described. Then, sometime around his 1st birthday, a weight lifts off and I am able to jump back in full-force. Even better, I have figured out the purpose of this winter-like season in my life. God sets up partitions for us. Partitions that keep us safe, happy and at peace. If we are able to stay in the fence that God has set up for us, we experience peace and favor in life. This is true for our finances, our marriage, our mental and emotional health and our physical health. When we step out of this fence... it can leave us broke, divorced, tired, stressed and overweight. Maybe not all of those at once, but you get the idea.
The partitions around my life tighten up when I have a baby. This is God's divine purpose for MY life during that time. What I had the hardest time understanding, is that my partitions are for MY peace. It's so easy to look at other women and think... she just had a baby and she's already back in choir or she seems to be able to handle so much more than I can handle. In those times, I usually get all fleshy and think... anything you can do I can do better.... I can do anything better than you. I know I am the only one whoever acts like that. So, I'll repent alone here. But, I end up putting my hand in something that it has no business being in and it turns out really, really ugly. Every. Single. Time.
It's time to make peace with our partitions. Peace and joy is found within the fence God has set up for YOU. I put YOU in all CAPS so that YOU get the point that YOUR fence will NOT look like someone else's fence. And that is OKAY. I am standing inside of my baby #4 fence right now. And I have already hopped the fence a time or two and all I got out of it was scrapes and bruises. I know no one can see me... but at home, I am doing a great job. I am happy, fulfilled and at peace. I am in God's divine purpose for this particular time in my life. So, whatever it is your fence looks like right now... get inside of it. Let go of anything that is outside of the fence. I know it's hard when we hear all of the outside chatter... you should sign-up for this, volunteer for this, stay at home, go to work, blah, blah blah. But, turn your eyes and ears towards God and stay... I mean PLANT your FEET... in the place where he tells you to be. After all, he can't expand your partitions if you've left the yard!
~Ash
