As some of you know, I attended a retreat a few weeks ago for women. I think that each woman on the weekend was there for God's purpose and throughout the weekend, we each had to individually discover why we were there. For me, it seemed that the weekend was eating away. It started on Thursday evening and by Saturday morning, I still had not figured out what God wanted to do in me. Women were getting breakthroughs. Some had already had times of weeping before the Lord and I was wondering, "God, I haven't cried one tear, and I'm a crier!"Later that morning, we went to a breakfast where they had decorated it in a beach theme and they were playing the Beach Boys 'Everybody goes surfing.' As I entered, I started to cry! How embarrassing???? Everyone was laughing and having a good time. And I could not get it together! Now I was saying, "Lord, this is ridiculous. What in the WORLD am I crying about?" But, he didn't answer me right then.
During a worship service that evening, a woman handed me a flag. I have seen flags waved before in worship services and I always thought it was pretty but I never had a desire to wave one myself. So, I am standing there, holding this flag and thinking, "I feel like an idiot." And I did feel like an idiot. Even though there was a few other women waving the flags, I felt so conspicuous. Like everyone was looking at me. That was the moment that God showed me why I was there. Somehow, I had grown from a little girl that danced before my parents in a dress that swished to a woman who was inhibited by my own insecurities.
My mom used to say to me when I was a teenager and I was arguing about who knows what... "Ashli, Get Over Yourself!" Now, that really burned my butter!!! But, in a way, God was saying to me, "Your worship to me has become inhibited. You need to get over yourself." So, before the weekend was over, God did so many more special things to make sure I got the point. Things that, if I had time, I would tell you about because they really were amazing.
And in the final worship service, I knew what I had to do. I knew God wanted me to dance before Him with heart abandoned. My heart was pounding! My feet felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. But, I stepped out and begin to dance before Him. And, I'll be honest... the first 10 seconds felt so uncomfortable. But as I began to let go of years of insecurities and just dance before my Maker like a little girl, I experienced an undeniable freedom.
Jeremy and I work in the children’s' ministry at our church and not a Sunday passes by where there is not a little girl dancing with the same freedom around the room. Her dress is swishing. She has a delight about her. And she is confident. As women, if our childhood allowed, we were once able dance with heart abandoned. However. at some point.... the embarrassing moment at school takes place; you are ridiculed over what you are wearing; a boy breaks your heart; and then eventually, a time comes when you begin to judge others in the same way you were judged.
The pictures shown are my friend Dee's little girl exemplifying the freedom to which I have been speaking. If we want true, authentic worship with God, he desires us to come to Him like this little girl. Matthew 18:3 tells us to come to him like children. I don't think that this necessarily means by dancing, but if you watch children who have not yet been affected by life's difficulties, they approach God without inhibition. I want to take this freedom that God allowed me to experience and make sure that my worship to Him comes without inhibition. Whether I dance or not.... I know that I need to give him my whole heart each and every time I have the opportunity to meet with Him.
During a worship service that evening, a woman handed me a flag. I have seen flags waved before in worship services and I always thought it was pretty but I never had a desire to wave one myself. So, I am standing there, holding this flag and thinking, "I feel like an idiot." And I did feel like an idiot. Even though there was a few other women waving the flags, I felt so conspicuous. Like everyone was looking at me. That was the moment that God showed me why I was there. Somehow, I had grown from a little girl that danced before my parents in a dress that swished to a woman who was inhibited by my own insecurities.
My mom used to say to me when I was a teenager and I was arguing about who knows what... "Ashli, Get Over Yourself!" Now, that really burned my butter!!! But, in a way, God was saying to me, "Your worship to me has become inhibited. You need to get over yourself." So, before the weekend was over, God did so many more special things to make sure I got the point. Things that, if I had time, I would tell you about because they really were amazing.
And in the final worship service, I knew what I had to do. I knew God wanted me to dance before Him with heart abandoned. My heart was pounding! My feet felt like they weighed a thousand pounds. But, I stepped out and begin to dance before Him. And, I'll be honest... the first 10 seconds felt so uncomfortable. But as I began to let go of years of insecurities and just dance before my Maker like a little girl, I experienced an undeniable freedom.
Jeremy and I work in the children’s' ministry at our church and not a Sunday passes by where there is not a little girl dancing with the same freedom around the room. Her dress is swishing. She has a delight about her. And she is confident. As women, if our childhood allowed, we were once able dance with heart abandoned. However. at some point.... the embarrassing moment at school takes place; you are ridiculed over what you are wearing; a boy breaks your heart; and then eventually, a time comes when you begin to judge others in the same way you were judged.
The pictures shown are my friend Dee's little girl exemplifying the freedom to which I have been speaking. If we want true, authentic worship with God, he desires us to come to Him like this little girl. Matthew 18:3 tells us to come to him like children. I don't think that this necessarily means by dancing, but if you watch children who have not yet been affected by life's difficulties, they approach God without inhibition. I want to take this freedom that God allowed me to experience and make sure that my worship to Him comes without inhibition. Whether I dance or not.... I know that I need to give him my whole heart each and every time I have the opportunity to meet with Him.
Awesome! I hope you guys got alot out of each weekend.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! Reminds me of "Captivating". If you haven't read it, do.
ReplyDeleteBTW congratulations!!
We think of your family often :)
I love this, b/c I can see it. I can see you dancing before Him and it is beautiful :)
ReplyDeleteI had a similiar experience with God before and I understand exactly where you are coming from. It is a powerful moment when we allow ourselves to be ourselves before God. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this. Love and miss you Ashli