Switching On The Sun...

The teacher went around to each preschooler and asked the famous Career Day question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" She proudly put our answers on the bulletin board for our parents to see at the end of the day. An array of answers beamed from that board... astronaut, firefighter, doctor and the kid who wanted to be a 'cat' when he grew up. Under my name: Mom.

At the age of four, I held the role of mother at the highest honor. Above all the ideal careers I toyed with, motherhood was most valued to me. Of course, as the years went by, I changed my my mind as to how I would 'bring home the bacon' on a weekly basis. But, the idea of motherhood never went away. I am not sure I really planned to stay at home as a mother. After all, my mom and dad were both working parents and that was my normal. However, the day I found out I was pregnant with my first child, the desire to stay at home was undeniable. I knew we couldn't afford it financially, but I could not shake it. And that is because, I had a call on my life to full-time motherhood.

Although our circumstances seemed bleak, God came through at the tail end of my pregnancy with a stay-at-home job. And almost six years later, I am still doing both. So, this is no knock on working mothers- I am a working mother. My mom worked full-time most of my childhood and I never felt neglected. In fact, the reason I am writing this blog is because after six years of staying at home, I am just now receiving the epiphany that motherhood was and is a calling for me. Am I dense that it has taken me so long to figure this out? Maybe. But, more than likely, I probably believed a few lies between four and now that affected how I saw motherhood.

If you stay at home with your kids, then you know how my days go: Laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, separating tussles, initiating 'sorry,' handing out timeouts, cleaning up toys, wiping tears, wiping bottoms, teaching manners, cleaning up splattered food, picking up the sippy cup for the 1000th time, and the list goes on and on. No one is there to say, "You deserve a raise." In fact, no one is there to say anything at all, over the age of five. It's a long day most days. And when naptime and bedtime come, I start my second job of working from home. So, for those of you who thought my life was a day at the beach, it's not. People have actually said to me, 'it must be nice to stay at home and make all of those cute cupcakes.' Well, yeah, but I make the cupcakes at hours where the rest of the world is sleeping!

In the balancing act of the last six years, I have had MANY freak-out moments. Prior to marriage and motherhood, I had big dreams. In fact, I have had six synonymous prophesies from different people telling me specific things that God wanted to do with my life. Big things. The biggest lie I believed and am JUST now realizing was a lie- is that motherhood somehow put a hold on what God wanted to do in me. That because I was a mother at home, I was losing ground on my big dreams. Losing time. At least once a year for the last six years, I have tried to pursue a different career. Trying to make something more of myself. Each time, the door would close (more like slam) in my face. Because this is where I needed to be. Right here.

When God calls you to a role, whatever role that may be, embracing it causes much less anxiety and pain then fighting it. God is opening my eyes to just how much personal growth I have experienced from being a mother. Here I thought I was floating in stagnant water, and yet God has been shaping me the whole time. I have learned about servanthood. Kids will teach you that in a hurry, because life is no longer about you when they come along. I have learned humility- kids are honest. I have learned perseverance- my schedule has made me want to give up many times, but I haven't. I have learned patience, so far two kids have survived the twos. And I have learned about love- how although my love for my boys goes so deep, it pales in comparison to God's love for us.

A friend told me a few years back, "Do you realize that those boys believe that you wake up every morning and switch on the sun?" Wow. Motherhood is a big role. And if I never get to do anything else, I have done great things in the kingdom of God. I embrace where I am and accept the gift that he gave me so many years ago: the call to motherhood. Proverbs 18:16 "A man's gift makes room for him and brings him before great men." And I am before some pretty great men as we speak. ;)